I am not happy with my life. I wanted to end this uncertainty that I am feeling. I wanted escape. I wanted freedom. Freedom from sadness and depression.
As my mind submerged deeper in thoughts of death, I found myself asking Him,
“Are you still there? Are You happy that I am suffering? Is this what ” For I know the Plans I have for you. ” means? You wanted me this? To be lifeless? Is this what you want? Plans for prosperity and faith huh?”
I waited for His answer. Every night I would still pray to Him. Weeping and tired.
Days turned into months and months into a year.
“What now Lord? Am I nothing to you? Lord You know that I am now dependent on You, but why leave me hanging? Lord I am nothing without You. I know I am sinner and I have no rights to ask You this but please don’t leave me. I just can’t! I can’t”
I wept while walking back in forth in my room. When I was tired I went to mama’s bed and played with her phone and a voice whisphered…
“Why are you sad? “
“Is there any reason to be happy? ” I answered absent-mindedly.
” I am here! ” He answered
My tears begun to flow. I closed my eyes for I know the voice was His. The peacefulness and calmness of thr voice. It was Him.
Jesus answered. Literally.